colorz


lunes, 16 de agosto de 2010

dream diary 2


Un sueño
que tuve en noches pasadas
*mi gatita como sabes tuvo 3 gatitos
soñe que estaba caminando por la cuidad, llevaba en mi bolso los 3 gatitos
*y a la mama
*era uno de esos dias que no hago nada
*q solo camino x caminar
al lado mio para un carro y era mi ex, me pidio q me subiera
*puse el bolso con los gatitos en los regazos
*y fuimos como a una casa
*me pidio que entrara
*era como una conbinacion de la casa de una de mis tias abuelas
*mezclada con algo de creepiness de una casa abandonada
*ahi estaba como q el chik q i like currently
*y los maes como q se fueron x alla a hablar
*yo me quede como en lo q parecia una sala
*era raro el lugar estaba inundado
*tenia agua hasta los tobillos
y los gatos empezaron a llorar
anyway como que volvieron y me hicieron señas que me subiera al carro
*el carro era uno de esos 4x4 tipo jeep
*que no tienen techo
*ni puertas ni eso si no q son como los asientos y unas barras
el carro estaba como inundado asi q me sente en una de las barras
*y ellos se sentaron adelante yo atras
*y como que nos metimos way too deep in the mountain
*x donde no habia camino
*y el carro pego un brinco y sali volando XD aterrice como q en la grava, siempre cuidando q a los gatitos no les pasara nada
*y justo del carril contrario venia un carro rojo
estuvo a punto de pegarme dn la cabeza xq estaba acostada en la tierra
tenia una pierna sangrando
*y me dolia mucho
*no me podia mover
entonces el mae del carro rojo que no se quien era honestly
*se bajo del carro y como q me examino con una maquina rarisima
*era como una araña mecanica
*q como q me scaneo la pierda
y como que termino de examinar
*y el mae le dijo a mi ex que iba a perder la pierna
lo extraño es que recuerdo que hablaran
*pero mi ex no mostraba emociones
*tenia siempre la misma cara
*cuando a mi ex ese mae le dijo eso, mi ex como q me vio se subio al carro y se fue
*y el otro mae tambien desaparecio
*solo el chik con el q estoy dis que saliendo se quedo conmigo
*y como q me llevo a caballito
*me aceuerdo q yo le decia que cuidado con los gatitos
*era como pura montaña
estabamos como q cerca de un risco y el mae se resbalo y se cayo
lovia pero era de dia habia luz
*aunque mucha neblina y llovizna
*el punto es que me quede como que sola con los gatitos
*y no me podia mover
*y cai dormida abrazando el bolso donde estaban los gatitos arecostada a una pared de roca
*cuando me desperte por alguna razon
*no sentia dolor
*me pude parar y caminar pero sentia las piernas como si no fueran mias
*y estaban totalmente blancas, lo recuerdo xq andaba en skirt
*bancas ya papel
*pero empeze a bajar yo sola con los gatitos
y y y camine x dias
*no sentia cansancio
*solo frio y urge por cuidar a los gatito
*s
*recuerdo que siempre fue cuesta abajo
*era como una montaña interminable
*y el clima era igual lluvioso pero tipo llovizna y neblina
*de la nada llegue como a una Y
*podia seguir para abajo o tomar la V hacia el tro lado y subir de nuevo
*y habia como una fiesta a lo lejos
*asi que agarre el camino V
*y llegue era como una cabaña pero giganteeeee
*enorme hardcore
*era como un salon
*de madera mas bien
*donde habia una fiesta
*de traje
*formal
*las mujeres en vestido de coctel y los maes en smoking
*y me quede en la orilla cerca de una chimenea tratando de que no me vieran
*y vi a mi ex como que en el centro del dance floor
*pero ma mas viejo
*calculo q talvez unos 8 o 10 años mayor
*y me vio, y x primera vez en todo el sueño tuvo una expresion
*y fue de panico
*pero como q solo el me podia ver
*y como q trato de llegar donde yo estaba
*pero yo sali corriendo xq el estaba con otra persona, una chik con un vestido de satin azul
*entonces yo queria correr pero no estaba tocando la tierra
*solo huia
*teniendo los gatitos siemazospre en los b
*siempre en los brazos*
como que despues de huir
x un rato
*mi ex aun me seguia, gritaba cosas
*pero yo no podia escuhar xq llovia y hacia mucho viento
*cuando x fin lo perdi
*aparecio un bus rojo
*pense pedir ride
*xq no tenia dinero
*pero el mae del bus no me cobro
*habia poca gente
*en el bus
*unos separados de otros
*como x las esquinas
*todos sin expresion
*y todos eran blanco papel como yo
*era como si el s me esperarab
*si el bus*
*xq apenas me sente, abri el bolso para revisar q los kitties estuvieran bien
*y el bus arranco y se fue
*lo unico que recuerdo es ver la cabeza de la mama de mi gata azomarse primero y maullar
*y luego las cabecitas de los 3 gatitos maullando suavecito
*los abrace a los 4 y me arrecoste a la ventana del bus
*y creo q me dormi otra vez
*no recuerdo nada mas despues de eso
*se que dormi mas , no me desperte de inmediato
*pero fue como que despues del sueño pude dormir en paz
*profundo y sin interrupciones

Una noche de insomnio


son las 2.22 de la mañana
hoy tengo una noche de insomnio nuevamente
mi humor cambia
de bien a mal y de mal a bien
por un lado hay alguien que me da una sonrisa
una que debo alargar una semana
por otro lado hay alguien
que con solo existir
me da golpe tras golpe
me quiebra, no los huesos pero el alma
y lo ha hecho desde hace medio año ya
intente dormir
pero solo logre una pesadilla
y media hora de paralisis en mi habitacion
hoy tuve una pesadilla curiosa
Estaba afuera de un edificio
con Randall, Cancerbero (El nombre impuesto por Isaac y kro a la novia de Randall) mis abuelos, la persona que me gusta y la persona que me hiere
Todos Ibamos a comer, era como un pequeño restaurante japones,
una mesa de media luna
yo estaba sentada junto a la persona que me gusta
y la persona que me lastima
trataba de ocultar mi dolor
trataba de que todos nos llevaramos bien
como siemre
la pacifista
en medio de la mesa
habia un pequeño jardin Zen
Arena y piedrasblancas
derepente una tormenta empezo afuera
nadie parecio tomarle importancia
decidi salir
a llorar en la lluvia
como siempre lo hago
para no ponerme roja de mejillas
ni que se noten las lagrimas
ah, como me gustaba bailar en la lluvia
ahora solo la uso
para cuando el dolor es mucho
y no hay donde ocultarlo
Sali y al lado del pequeño restaurante
habia un mar
como los descritos por los griegos
cuando poseidon descubrio
a su esposa con otro
rayos, truenos, olas enormes
elruido del mar
y la violenta brisa
me empujaron hacia la orilla
el mar era grisaceo
con un azul muy neon
por alguna razon las fuetes olas
pegaban con una pared invisible de cristal
y a mis pies solo llegaban suaves olas
queria tocar la pared
asi que entre al mar
el agua era fria
di solo unos pasos hacia adentro
y empeze a sentir dolor
mucho dolor en mis pies
mire hacia abajo
y la piel de mis pies se derretia
como acido
y no me podia devolver
de tanto forcejear me cai
y el acido empezo a quemarme las piernas
las manos
y la espalda
mi mente siempre
juega trucos muy crueles
conmigo
por suerte desperte
me despertaron
La persona que quiero lo hizo
nunca entoendo el significado de mis sueños
he soñado que soy una ladrona que queman viva
he soñado que soy una asesina
he tenido pesadillas cada noche desde ese dia
en algunas veces la persona que me lastima esta presente
en otras
simplemente yo sola me someto a torturas
en las que deseo morir
tengo mucho sueño
pero son las 4 y 15 am
en 2 horas tendre q estar despierta
x suerte mañana tengo mas entrenamiento
para el cambio a LAC
solo espero a que el sol salga
y las sombras dejen de jugar con mi mente
en estas 4 paredes
es simplemente el pensamiento
de una noche de insomnio

domingo, 15 de agosto de 2010

little little neko




Daylight Lyrics

I've seen sad
Dark times
And I have waited for the sun to rise

I've seen sad
Dark times
And waited for rain
All I know is whenever I am far from home
There are nights when words seem out of place

Ba da da

I have walked alone and the stars have tried to guide me home

I have walked alone
Lost in the fog
All I find are faded pictures from a distant life
And I wish to God I could see your eyes

Ba da da

I ain't got no magic potion
All I know is that we're better of together than we ever were alone
So if you let me try
Just give me time,
Oh
Woman I will find a way to help you ease your troubled mind

Ba da da

If the morning comes I'll be thankful just to see the sun
But the daylight seems so far away

Ba da da

sábado, 14 de agosto de 2010

Might sound weird... but to my mom... i love you


Echate a dormir
Una noche mas
Ya casi amanece
Deja la botella en la mesa
Solo vete a descansar…
Gastas tu vida en ginebra
A expensas del mundo vives
Nada lo haces por que quieres
Todo es solo un fastidioso deber
No ahogues tu alma en tabaco
Ni las penas en alcohol
Las luces tu cuerpo y el baile…
Es simplemente tu mundo
Tan diferente al mío
De sombras letras y tintas
Para ti un beso es solo un toque
Para mi, un desahogo del alma
Para ti una lagrima es agua
Para mi una perla del espíritu…
Con que sencillez ves las cosas
Con que facilidad ignoras tu alrededor
Te admiro y te desprecio
Te odio y te considero
No se si en esa alma
Cariñosa y preocupada algunas veces
Violenta cruel y despiadada otras….
Esa alma… sigues en los brazos de dios?
Sigues en consiencia de este mundo?
Sabes quien soy?
Yo no soy como tu
Y me molesta que la demas gente crea que lo soy
La belleza que herede, si tengo tu destino….
No quiero tu herencia, no quiero seguirte
Yo veo al mundo desde los brazos de los angeles
Oscuros, heridos, algunos malignos
Pero me abrazan cada noche cuando abres la herida
Y me acunan cuando no puedo parar las lagrimas
Consuelan mi espiritu cuando asustado de ti
Colapsa y empieza a temblar
Cuando las convulsiones sacuden al cuerpo
Y por un momento los heraldos del angel negro me visitan
Me observan con lastima y dolor…
Varias veces he visto sus lagrimas sangrientas que recorren
Su palido rostro…. Con vergüenza me
Aferro a la noche
Rogando perdon por tus crimenes
Clamando piedad de tu alma
Hasta que los heraldos de luzbell se retiran
Cansados de ascechar…
Agotados de escuchar
El silencio de tu alma….
Quien eres?
Tu escencia desvanecia me resulta irreconocible
Querida madre mia….

viernes, 13 de agosto de 2010

4 walls


This four walls
had seen me die
night after night
cry my pains in my dreams
who am i now?
Im sorry im just a doll
a beutiful lifeless toy
motionless feelingless quiet
maybe
just maybe
if someone held my hand
in this darkness
i would be able to really smile
there are some feelingsin me
big enough to not to be expressed by worlds
this quiet feelings
only this 4 walls know about

domingo, 1 de agosto de 2010

a ghost


you say
get away from me
another person say
ill love you forever,
she says
come to me
another person
waits for me,
there is someone
inside me
who cries for help,
there is me
who yells a name,
there is a person
who got my attention,
there is a human
who became my victim,
there is a lust
that no human can ease,
there is a wish
that cant be fulfilled,
there is a hope
that never dies,
there is a pain
in the heart
that never ceases
there is a guilt
that say i must wait
there is a voice
in my head
saying to break my promise,
there is a desperate attempt
to be happy,
there is an abyss
in front of me
there are my wings
that i dont know if
they are ready to fly,
there is a tear
in my cheek tonight,
there is a skar
in my arm
that reminds me
of the tragedy,
there is a tattoo
in my back
who burns me
to stay right where i am,
there is an impulse
to move on,
there are 18 weeks
behind this bullshit,
there is a friend
who is lost,
there is a person
who travels
to the other side of the world
to be away from me,
because of me,
there is a hand
i will not take
even when i fall,
there is not
your hand
when i need to get up,
there is a smell
that wont get out my nose,
there is a mask
i have to wear everyday
,there is your prescence
who lingers here,
there is the sound
of your laugh who
echoes in the wall
there is a poet
who says im his muse,
there is my muse
who does not even look at me,
there is a happiness
i will never reach
there is a future
ill never get to see
...right now there is just me.....

martes, 27 de julio de 2010

Echoes....


Echo

By Christina Rossetti

Come to me in the silence of the night;
Come in the speaking silence of a dream;
Come with soft rounded cheeks and eyes as bright
As sunlight on a stream;
Come back in tears,
O memory, hope and love of finished years.
O dream how sweet, too sweet, too bitter-sweet,
Whose wakening should have been in Paradise,
Where souls brim-full of love abide and meet;
Where thirsting longing eyes
Watch the slow door
That opening, letting in, lets out no more.
Yet come to me in dreams, that I may live
My very life again though cold in death;
Come back to me in dreams, that I may give
Pulse for pulse, breath for breath:
Speak low, lean low,
As long ago, my love, how long ago.

jueves, 8 de julio de 2010

randomness at work


mmm estoy viendo para el techo en este momento escuchando i am error, asi que xq no, he aqui una lista de las cosas que me hacen ser freak o extrana, segun regular ppl
-duermo Poco
-tengo pesadillas a diario
-pienso que comer es mas una actividad social que una necesidad x eso si tengo que comer sola, prefiero no comer
-mastico pajillitas de cafe por anciedad
-soy en extremo desordenada
-soy MUY despistada
-soy Androginofilica
-soy bisexual ( si a estas alturas de la sociedad es algo freak serlo)
-aracnofobica
-sufro de un sindrome disociativo multiple, basicamente mas de una personalidad
-como carne cruda, pescado y pollo, pero el cerdo crudo me da dem asco
-me encanta cocinar pero solo para alguien mas no para mi
-me voy a de autismo muy seguido
-day dreamer
-decidi mi bisexualidad a los 12 a:os, pero no tuve mi primer novio hasta los 15
--Belonefilica
-Estigmatofilica
-mi color favortito es verde neon
-Agrafobica
-Agorafobica
-Me molesta en puta, que la gente haga bulla
-los bebes son adorables hasta que abren la boca
-me considero capaz de matar a una persona
-se manejar armas de alto calibre
-cargo siempre con una navaja mariposa si no es el la bota en la cintura o si no en una pierna
-soy fanatica de las botas
-necesito dosis muy altas de medicaion para que las cosas me hagan efecto
-la clorofila me sabe bien
-me gusta comer gelatina en lamina
-me gusta comer hielo solo por sentir la boca dormida
-mi trago favorito es de color AZUL TURQUESA NEON y es una receta heccha por mi
*-se cocinar casi que de todo
-tengo una extra;a aficion x llevarme las cosas de colores brillantes a la boca
-no soy muy fan del chocolate, prefiero la vainilla
-me gustan los olores en extremo dulces, como el olor a -chocolate vainilla o canela para perfumes
-mi flor favorita es el lirio blanco
-AMO el gelato!
-puedo comer un kilo de karne en una sola sentada
-soy literalmente vampira, me gusta tomar sangre, y si me dan permiso sacarla tambien
sin embargo mi propia sangre se me hace uindiferente
-reconozco o recuerdo a las personas por su olor
-lo primero en lo que me fijo en en los ojos, cuando conozco o me ointereso en una persona, no el color ni si son lindos o no, si no en lo que transmiten
-no osy atea pero no creo en la idea de un dios supremo
-AMO el mani!
-de hecho amo el helado en general,sabro favorito, naranja pi;a
-Amo los tacos de la taqueria mexicana
-No le tengo miedo a los asaltos, si pasa pasa,
-mi l;ibro favorito es uno de ninos, el principito y lo comparo con libros a la altura de sartre y nietze
-mi vegetal favorito es la lechuga
-mi fruta favorita es todo lo que termine en berry
-de pequena, ahogaba reptites y pajaron peque;os en alcohol de 90 y los guardaba en frascos
-tambien los destazaba jugando a ser Dr.
-Trabaje en un a morgue
-todo lo que se de compus lo se x travesear
-hablo japones
-amo el anime
-me gusta cambiarme el pelo
-los aretes para mi son una adiccion
-le tengo mas miedo a un tattoo que a un corce de aretes, pero igual me hare mi tattoo
-me divierte observar a la gente
-amo la fotografia y las camaras
-no me gustan los monos, ni los cerdos, ni los pajaros en general.
-mi animal favorito es en este orden: raccoon caballo(mustang) gato
-entro a wikipedia a buscar enlaces por diversion
-me gusta la fisica cuantica pero soy pesima en matematica
-me atrae la androginidad
-la gente con musculos grandes kind of creep me out
-me gusta nadar en el mae de noche
-no me molesta la lluvia, me gusta
-aun me subo a los arboles
-no necesito una razon para ayudar a alguien
-no me gusta cantar aun que estudie varios a;os y estubve en diferentes coros
-prefiero la anonimidad a la fama
-me gusta la idea de ser una muneca de porcelana, vestirme y verme como tal,a un que cueste mucho conseguir los vestidos
-me llama mucho la atencion la gente con pelo largo
-tengo la curiosidad de oler las cosas cuando es antes que nunca habia visto
-no me gustan los malls
-he tenido insomnio por los ultimos 5 a;os, pero amo dormir
-mi personalidad se divide en 4 disociativamente hablando-agresividad-dulzura y kindness-responsabilidad-inmadurez//cada una con nombre y gustos diferentes
-amo los lol catz y todas las peginas de cheezeburger
-siempre que veo una mujer embarazada me imagino pateandole el vientre hasta que explote
-opino q chuck norris ES EL ninja del siglo XXI
-no creo en el 2012
-s no hablo con nadie y estoy haciendo algo, dejenlo asi, es XQ NO QUIERO hablar y no x ser odiosa just not in the mood
-la unica cura para el insomnioo que conozco en mi caso es dormir al lado de alguien
-he aprendido a sonreir siempre, incluso inconsientemente
-he andado en cantidad exagerada de sustancias ileghales y nunca he tenido un mal ride
-me gusta viajar, mucho y no me interesa si es en primera clase o a pie, pero viajar
-amo la musica,
-mi instrumento fav es el theremin
-sarcastica cuando debo serlo
-me gusta el humor negro
-soy friolenta
-paso hablando conmigo mismo
-cuesta mucho que me aburra
-cuando miro hacia afuera, o estoy sentada callada no es xq estoy aburrida, soo disfruto del silencio
-no me da miedo decir lo que pienso
-palabras mas usadas:satanas-awww-yey-awiii-emmm-epic- yanai

martes, 6 de julio de 2010

insomniac´s monologue


maybe is baceuse i am in a VERY bad mood now
because i have not eaten since sunday
or sleept almost anything
maybe because i have a lot of stress going around lately
or maybe it is what it is
IM SICK AND TIRED
of keeping silence
or being always wearing that fake smile!!
everyday jsut jumping and going around
smiling trowing kisses candies and flowers to people
as the happiest person alive!
fuck i feel lonely, im scared i feel sick!
i just wait to break this damned chains i imposed to myself
and yell and scream and run under the rain
i wanna take it out of my chest
i promised i would not do something reckless
no more cuts in my skins
no more pills
no more self mutilation
no more burns
im still recovering from my bruises
i still have scars in my wrists
always everyone comes to me with their issues
why do they always come to me!!!
cant they see i cant even face MY issues My life
i cant even put myself together to
i am always fixing other people issues
because i cant even fix mines
i am always giving advise
when i cant even believe what i am saying
I HATE TO HAVE SOMEONE LIKE ROSEMARY IN MY LIFE!
or maybe, just maybe it is me who is in her life
and they say dissociative disorders are not complicated!
im tired to not knowing where i was what was i doing sometimes even what day is it!
im scared of seeing sometimes things so unrealistic they look like dreams
as soon as the dreamer wakes up ill be gone
sometimes all i can do is sit, pretend and watch my life pass by
like if there hands where not even mine
i am just jibbering
even if i tak my medicated pills
i cant sleep they just make everything go slower
im tired of always covering my back
because there is no one i can really entrust
im starving
i wish i could go for something to eat
what for
in this state probably will vomit anyway
but im thirsty
i wish the diphenhydramine didnt make my legs so heavy and clumpsy
my head hurts
and i am already out of ergotamine
fuck i dont want to have a panick attack tonight!
i just want to sleep
no dreams no nightmares
just sleep
i iwsh nights were not this cold
i wish i died and became a guardian angel
but most at all
i wish i wouldnt had to hold myself
because no one is there to hold me then.

lunes, 5 de julio de 2010

Let me be...


Be like the little leaf in the tree
Who let itself be free
Awaiting for the wind to play with its skin
Letting the breeze to take away problems within

Letting the spirit of darkness
Take its hand and guide the way
Not to harm the wish of happiness
Just conforting it, telling it all’s ok

Letting the spirit of desire
Take control over its mind
Not to make it blind
Just to memories adquire

Letting the spirit of the sun
Adopt it like its son
Not to let it be more
Just to join it till it alone reach the shore

Letting the spirit of the life and light
Take the candle shine with bright
Not to make things easier
Just to make choices wiser

Letting the spirit of trust
Share with company as it must
Not to be dependant with tears
Just to notice someone is there to kill fears

Dont act like the leaf in the land
Drowning in moving sands
Because its core got dry
Trustless and empty let itself fall from the sky

midnight clowns


In my nightmares
I wake up
Trembling at midnight
Ad i can see them
Waiting for me to devour my beating heart
Midnight clowns chase me
Choke me with their naked hands
Dancing saying words i can listen singing songs i cannot understand
And laughting
Scaring me in my death bed
And when dawn i coming
I can see behind all that make up
Those clowns have names
And their faces...
Are my friend’s faces
And with sun they fade to back slowly
Laughting and promisisnng me
They will come back next night
So again we canplay
But deep i know
I will see them soon
Hidden this time with their real make up
In themorning
Dreseslikeme
And waving their lying hands....

------------------------------------------------------------2006------------

Looking in my memories


some old poems i found.

LOVE OF MY LIFE
Silver streaks of moonlight shine in your eyes whenever you look at me
The sun rises in your eyes my darling
When you dream of holding the moon,
I catch it and bring it to you, wrapped in red-watery rose petals
I lay red roses for your feet to walk on
I see your face on every moonrise
Your face is on every sunrise
My beautiful darling, I can never count the ways I love you
Your eyes sparkle like diamond
Your smile brightens my days like the sun
Love of my life
Sunshine of my morning
Moonlight of my nights
------------------------------------------------jan,2010----------------------

domingo, 4 de julio de 2010

monochrome no kiss...to neko




Un encuentro sin color
es atravesado por el blanco y el negro
te entregare cad parte de mi dolor
el dolor de esta cicatraz me persigue fuertemente
el otoño llega sin misericordia
y sigue enredandome entre sus frios dedos
soy como un molesto trozo de hielo que se derrite
levantame gentilmente,
y juega conmigo entre tus labios.

Aun asi seguire buscando una unica forma de amor
mas que a lo lejano,
esos ojos marchitos se aferran al presente
de ser posible, me gustaria acabar atrapado de esta forma
escondidos juntos, tu palida piel
y que la luna se esconda tambien.

Desde ese entonces,
me he convertido en algo parecido a la noche
en un mar de dependencia, se me ha olvidado respirar
antes de estar en este trance
dejando atras unicamente tibieza
la estetica del perdon
hace que odie tus besos de orgullo.

No me dejes solo, y deja ya de amarme por consideracion
cualquier palabra que digas en tu habitacion
se escapara rapidamente
a enredarme y a dormir
¿es eso todo lo que puedes enseñarme?
las preguntas que deja una sonrisa, un suspiro perdido
y solo la luna lo ve.

En el momento en que la proxima aguja larga
alcance el techo
tu ya no estaras, y yo ya no sere nesesario.

Aun asi, estoy seguro de que buscabamos la forma del amor
mas que a lo lejano,
esos ojos marchitos se aferran al presente
de ser posible, me gustaria acabar atrapado de esa forma
en vano, ese deseo de la noche traera la mañana.

Con un beso gentil, calido y lleno de cobardia
demosle calor a esta ultima noche
que la luna la iluminara

martes, 29 de junio de 2010

Linger...



If you, if you could return
Don’t let it burn, don’t let it fade
I’m sure I’m not being rude
But it’s just your attitude
It’s tearing me apart
It’s ruining everything
And I swore, I swore I would be true
And honey so did you
So why were you holding her hand
Is that the way we stand
Were you lying all the time
Was it just a game to you

But I’m in so deep
You know I’m such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger

Oh, I thought the world of you
I thought nothing could go wrong
But I was wrong
I was wrong
If you, if you could get by
Trying not to lie
Things wouldn’t be so confused
And I wouldn’t feel so used
But you always really knew
I just wanna be with you

And I’m in so deep
You know I’m such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to. do you have to
Do you have to let it linger

And I’m in so deep
You know I’m such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger

You know I’m such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger

Eyes

Eyes have always completely fascinated me. I can get lost in peoples eyes and read many stories from them, i have seen love in some people eyes, i have seen hate in some people eyes, i have seen despair, sorrow, hope, happiness, sadness, fear, some feelings i dont even understand, and some looks i wish i could have received. Eyes are a mystery worth of being admired. Per Bioscience "Eyes are organs that detect light, and convert it to electro-chemical impulses in neurons. The simplest photoreceptors connect light to movement [1]. In higher organisms complex neural pathways exist that connect the eye, via the optic nerve to the visual cortex and other areas of the brain. Complex optical systems with resolving power have come in ten fundamentally different forms, and 96% of animal species possess a complex optical system."
I had always wonder if the genetics color of the eyes have something to do with personality. I dont know exactly but even if there are two persons with the same eye color,there is always a small difference in each eye, i believe is kind of a digital print for people, maybe is only the looks, the feelings they share in those moments when i decide to look at them.Maybe is just the light or the point of view, but whatever the reason is, I firmly believe moods have as well influence in the color, shape and size of an eye. I remember my Ex Boyfriend used to tell me that he knew that i was feeling bad, or that i was sick, without even myself knowing, because my eyes were bright green, and my pupils were always wide. As well when i was mad but terribly mad when i looked down for a moment, made just the outside corner of my eyes wider and then looked at him, when i was about to kill someone i never looked directly,i always used to pierce look the object of my anger, but looking from one side and down at the same time, most of the times to the right, until he told me so i never reaLly noticed, I have seen blue eyes, green, light green, gray, emerald, hazel, amber, black, brown,yellow,honey,caramel and i saw once a person with ebony eyes. and from the millions of people that i have crossed in my life i can swear never saw some that looked alike another pair. Maybe sometimes i ignore the fact that eyes are one of the most beautiful things that were actually created.
The eyes of a cat, aesthetically beautiful, great vision at night, hawks have almost, if not, HD vision for their preys, even flies have amazing eyes!!!
I do not know who to attribuite this quote. "eyes are the windows of the soul" There seems to be a great deal of debate over the origins of the phrase and a lot of people have said it. It's been attributed to Shakespeare, Leonardo DaVinci and others. Those I could find are listed here:
The eye is the window of the soul, the mouth the door. The intellect, the will, are seen in the eye; the emotions, sensibilities, and affections, in the mouth. The animals look for man's intentions right into his eyes. Even a rat, when you hunt him and bring him to bay, looks you in the eye. Hiram Powers, American sculptor (1805 - 1873)
I need no dictionary of quotations to remind me that the eyes are the windows of the soul. Max Beerbohm
"Perhaps in all too many cases they are full of ancient traditional hokum from the culture about the eyes being the windows of the soul, and things being seen in them that might not otherwise be revealed -- which seems to be one of the most misguided ideas I've ever known." Sullivan, H. S. (1954). The Psychiatric Interview. New York: Norton. p. 5-6.
The eyes of our souls only then begin to see, when our bodily eyes are closing. Law.
Thou sun, of this great world both eye and soul. Milton.
They say that the eye is the window to the soul. But it is the soul that is the window. Andrew Hamilton
The eyes are the window of the soul. English Proverb
The eyes are the window of the soul. Traditional Proverb
The eyes indicate the antiquity of the soul. Ralph Waldo Emerson
I also wonder about the mutations for eyes a human can have, i have never met someone with Heterochromia (two colors, one in each eye, or part of the iris) Aniridia, that basically is absence of the Iris, or extremely low development, so eyes look with a BIg black pupil only. I saw once or maybe twice albin people, once had very very light blue eyes, and the other one had red eyes.
There is a pair of eyes, my favorite in the whole world, the ones i want to always wake up next to. I used to get lost on them i remember they were a midbrown, they are, i saw them last night.i tried to not to stare at them too long though if possible i wouldnt even had blinked if i had the chance. Eyes, beautifuel eyes. The most beautiful part of the human being.
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lunes, 28 de junio de 2010

I found him, but he did not found me

-characters worth to be remembered- Lord byron.


Lord Byron 22 January 1788 – 19 April 1824
British poet and a leading figure in Romanticism

Why worth of being remembered?
Just for the heck of it. As personal opinion he is one hell of a writer,his first love was at the age of 8, he was hurt, and he hurt people. Some say at the end of his life he even fell in love with a 15 years old man, in Greece, but his heart was rejected. Lord byron wrote poems to fall in love and poems to break the spell, and spoke a few of the most beautiful and truthful statements that i have ever heard.

My favorites:
*Quotes
-Lovers may be - and indeed generally are - enemies, but they never can be friends, because there must always be a spice of jealousy and a something of Self in all their speculations.
-A mistress never is nor can be a friend. While you agree, you are lovers; and when it is over, anything but friends.
-Between two worlds life hovers like a star, twixt night and morn, upon the horizon's verge.
-For pleasures past I do not grieve, nor perils gathering near; My greatest grief is that I leave nothing that claims a tear.
-For truth is always strange; stranger than fiction.
-Friendship may, and often does, grow into love, but love never subsides into friendship.
-I do detest everything which is not perfectly mutual.
-I have a great mind to believe in Christianity for the mere pleasure of fancying I may be damned.
-I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives as much as if we had never married at all.
-I know that two and two make four - and should be glad to prove it too if I could - though I must say if by any sort of process I could convert 2 and 2 into five it would give me much greater pleasure.
-I only go out to get me a fresh appetite for being alone.
-If I don't write to empty my mind, I go mad.
-In solitude, where we are least alone.
-It is useless to tell one not to reason but to believe - you might as well tell a man not to wake but sleep.
-Let none think to fly the danger for soon or late love is his own avenger.
-Life's enchanted cup sparkles near the brim.
-Love will find a way through paths where wolves fear to prey.
-Man's love is of man's life a part; it is a woman's whole existence. In her first passion, a woman loves her lover, in all the others all she loves is love.
-My turn of mind is so given to taking things in the absurd point of view, that it breaks out in spite of me every now and then.
-Sometimes we are less unhappy in being deceived by those we love, than in being undeceived by them.
-Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life.
-The 'good old times' - all times when old are good.
-The beginning of atonement is the sense of its necessity.
-The busy have no time for tears.
-The dew of compassion is a tear.
-The great art of life is sensation, to feel that we exist, even in pain.
-The heart will break, but broken live on.
-The poor dog, in life the firmest friend. The first to welcome, foremost to defend.
-There is no instinct like that of the heart.
-There is something pagan in me that I cannot shake off. In short, I deny nothing, but doubt everything.
-They never fail who die in a great cause.
-To withdraw myself from myself has ever been my sole, my entire, my sincere motive in scribbling at all.
-What is the worst of woes that wait on age? What stamps the wrinkle deeper on the brow? To view each loved one blotted from life's page, And be alone on earth, as I am now.
-Who loves, raves.
-Why I came here, I know not; where I shall go it is useless to inquire - in the midst of myriads of the living and the dead worlds, stars, systems, infinity, why should I be anxious about an atom?
-Ye stars! which are the poetry of heaven!
-Yes, love indeed is light from heaven; A spark of that immortal fire with angels shared, by Allah given to lift from earth our low desire.

*Poems
-WHEN WE TWO PARTED

by: George Gordon (Lord) Byron (1788-1824)

HEN we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted
To sever for years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder thy kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this.

The dew of the morning
Sunk chill on my brow--
It felt like the warning
Of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken,
And light is thy fame:
I hear thy name spoken,
And share in its shame.

They name thee before me,
A knell to mine ear;
A shudder comes o'er me--
Why wert thou so dear?
They know not I knew thee,
Who knew thee too well:
Lond, long shall I rue thee,
Too deeply to tell.

I secret we met--
I silence I grieve,
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee?
With silence and tears.

-DARKNESS

by: George Gordon (Lord) Byron (1788-1824)

had a dream, which was not all a dream.
The bright sun was extinguish'd, and the stars
Did wander darkling in the eternal space,
Rayless, and pathless, and the icy earth
Swung blind and blackening in the moonless air;
Morn came and went--and came, and brought no day,
And men forgot their passions in the dread
Of this their desolation; and all hearts
Were chill'd into a selfish prayer for light:
And they did live by watchfires--and the thrones,
The palaces of crowned kings--the huts,
The habitations of all things which dwell,
Were burnt for beacons; cities were consum'd,
And men were gather'd round their blazing homes
To look once more into each other's face;
Happy were those who dwelt within the eye
Of the volcanos, and their mountain-torch:
A fearful hope was all the world contain'd;
Forests were set on fire--but hour by hour
They fell and faded--and the crackling trunks
Extinguish'd with a crash--and all was black.
The brows of men by the despairing light
Wore an unearthly aspect, as by fits
The flashes fell upon them; some lay down
And hid their eyes and wept; and some did rest
Their chins upon their clenched hands, and smil'd;
And others hurried to and fro, and fed
Their funeral piles with fuel, and look'd up
With mad disquietude on the dull sky,
The pall of a past world; and then again
With curses cast them down upon the dust,
And gnash'd their teeth and howl'd: the wild birds shriek'd
And, terrified, did flutter on the ground,
And flap their useless wings; the wildest brutes
Came tame and tremulous; and vipers crawl'd
And twin'd themselves among the multitude,
Hissing, but stingless--they were slain for food.
And War, which for a moment was no more,
Did glut himself again: a meal was bought
With blood, and each sate sullenly apart
Gorging himself in gloom: no love was left;
All earth was but one thought--and that was death
Immediate and inglorious; and the pang
Of famine fed upon all entrails--men
Died, and their bones were tombless as their flesh;
The meagre by the meagre were devour'd,
Even dogs assail'd their masters, all save one,
And he was faithful to a corse, and kept
The birds and beasts and famish'd men at bay,
Till hunger clung them, or the dropping dead
Lur'd their lank jaws; himself sought out no food,
But with a piteous and perpetual moan,
And a quick desolate cry, licking the hand
Which answer'd not with a caress--he died.
The crowd was famish'd by degrees; but two
Of an enormous city did survive,
And they were enemies: they met beside
The dying embers of an altar-place
Where had been heap'd a mass of holy things
For an unholy usage; they rak'd up,
And shivering scrap'd with their cold skeleton hands
The feeble ashes, and their feeble breath
Blew for a little life, and made a flame
Which was a mockery; then they lifted up
Their eyes as it grew lighter, and beheld
Each other's aspects--saw, and shriek'd, and died--
Even of their mutual hideousness they died,
Unknowing who he was upon whose brow
Famine had written Fiend. The world was void,
The populous and the powerful was a lump,
Seasonless, herbless, treeless, manless, lifeless--
A lump of death--a chaos of hard clay.
The rivers, lakes and ocean all stood still,
And nothing stirr'd within their silent depths;
Ships sailorless lay rotting on the sea,
And their masts fell down piecemeal: as they dropp'd
They slept on the abyss without a surge--
The waves were dead; the tides were in their grave,
The moon, their mistress, had expir'd before;
The winds were wither'd in the stagnant air,
And the clouds perish'd; Darkness had no need
Of aid from them--She was the Universe.

viernes, 11 de junio de 2010

aclaration


i see why you did misunderstand me and told me i contradict myself, in the blog i missed some words, read again, i corrected them, i DONT want a relationship with another person, believe or not in these weeks i have grown up as a person and my personality has become a little bit less childish, i have madured quite a lot, i told you since forever, i will wait for you, even if i had no chance even if you laugh at me like the time in luna or when we talked on msn previous to be blocked by you, i have grown up enough to know trust is the base of ANY human relation, romantic or not, even in bussiness, i learned people can get really hurted by words only i learned i win nothing on lying and there is no point, if you cant be honest with the person you love then you are not worth a shit, unless you change and not for the other person but for yourself as a human being, i learned to love myself because if i dont love myself, how can people around me love me , i learned i need no one i dont need to depend, on anyone, to not to parasite in people and depend on them everytime i have a problem, because everyone have a life by their own, is up to me if i want to want them in my life or not, and i have learned to see the limit of people, i learned keeping shout is not fine because when you explote things can be worse, as personal experience i know anyone can be perfect and i saw your main defects clear now, but i love you the way you are, i see you jump quickly to conclusions without knowing the whole story, i see you over react, i know you have your emo periods i know you are inestable, per your own friends mouth i know you are kind a few things i rather not have heard, dont blame me thats what i have been told, but yiu know i am not perfect and i dont care, i have not seen by myself what they told me so i technically downt believe it, i know you would never be with two girls at the same time even if i write the oposite in my blog, i know there is a reason why you showed me the song beautiful world, if you know me you should as well see the lines hidden between words, regarding my dates, as i told you before, not interested in anyone but you, i just have new friends at work, is up to you to believe me or not, i just need to distract myself, i am disgusted with mankind for what fabio did to me, i want you, thats why i wil have my tattoo done thats why i made sure since the first day i steped in here im not here with doing friends of #ANY kind, some people dont understand thats why i kill their illusions hanging with them i ratehr do that than let them believe i am interested. i dont want to have friends with double intentions i want my friends to consider me as only that i dont want or need ANY kind of misunderstanding or romantic relationship so i rather tell them in the first hangout not interested, i dont want to break any heart as well ,i talk to people directly now, thats why some people believe i have changed and became cold.i learned promises are made to be kept and words can be a double edged weapon, i learned world is not going to be kind with me because im kind with them, i learned i have to defend myself no one can be for me always, i learned there are some people out there that only want to bring me down, i learned to take care of myself if i want to take care of someone else i learned as long as i am alive, never give up on anything if i really want it to become real.i learned there is no fairy tale because there is no happily ever after this is the real world and is up to me how i want to live my life and i have to work my ass off if i want a happy ending is not going to magically pop out of anywhere, i learned i have 1000000000 defects i still need to correct but idf there is a person who would love me for who i am then that person is worth loving, you love me at least you did even when i started to show myself as the little defenseless emo kid i used to be, thats why i love you and with as many defects you may have i still love you, is up to you, and i still dont know how to handle this but i told you even if there is a wall i would fight everyday to find a breakable point just to reach you, if after that you just push me back i lost nothing trying, i learned there are dreams that are made to be chased i learned true happiness is not the big prize at the end of the road, but all the small dialy simple things that happen in the life i learned i cant go back in time and even if i miss the past all i can do is write my own future i learned crying and being the victim solved nothing i have to stand and move my ass, work hard for what i want because no one is gonna give me anything on silver tray and i wont give up on you even if you are or are not interested in me anymore. As long as i am around i will try hard i wll try everyday in every chance i have to be with you, i know you, all that time i did learned to catch your small indirects, i took my time to get to know you, maybe i still miss some stuffs but i will learn them, because i care, because i love you, i learned to forget i learned to forgive i dont know if i still have a chance but as long as i have the doubt is always worth trying as hard as i can.... all i can do is try over and over again, the rest is up to you i learned from mi errors and i had my good painful lesson
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C.C (cyanide candy)
Nights became sweet crimes
promises of never apart
Managed to swear unfaithful lies
from pieces of your corrupted heart
Poison mist clouded your sight
We are a succubus in disguise
warning stars were shinning bright
telling you to think wise
Never meant to let you fall
candies are never meant to last
our kisses never filled the hole
cyanide couldn't melt away your past
hold and strongly i tried
to recreate the smile in your face
one simple mistake chances denied
you walked away breaking the lace
we are not what you looked for
I'm sorry our sweetness left you feeling alone
go away, depart, look for more
a corpse will forever wait for you at home
Never meant to let you fall
candies are never meant to last
our kisses never filled the hole
cyanide couldn't melt away your past

lunes, 3 de mayo de 2010

the sound of silence


voices all around me
trying to tell a story
trying to not to be forgotten
how i wish the sound of silence
noises
people screaming
laughter and desperation
people around me
holding me from running
hanging from me
loving to see me sink
whenever i tried to shine
people scream
i whisper
because i want to her the sound of silence
i know silence is not the lack of sounds
it have its own special deft sound
i want to listen to it
just once more