fireflies

Lights....
Fireflies at dusk dance in front of me, they flash and die like small dreamy shooting stars on my moms farm...
Drops...
The faint Rain of August Reminds me... of cute smiles and joyful dances in the wood
Melody...
Music reaches my ears as the cold wetness in my shirt make me shiver
Memories
Almost deft memories sudenly come back to me, as the nostalgic me tries to speak up in the sea of voices inside my head

In my country you are never sure what season is it. They say fireflies go out on summer. According to this little bugs facts they shine in one way looking for a mate of the same species to look at them... and flash back at them. But at the same time protecting themselves of predators.

I remember how much i loved them as a kid, i would stay out after sunfall disobeying my grandmother orders of comming home to dinner, just to keep hunting them. I used to jump in the grass like a cat hunting a bird, though i never harmed them. i caught them in my hands and then peeked between my fingers. if they lit i let them go, and catch another one--- if they didnt... i waited patiently until they actually flashed. Sometimes one refused to lit so i went home and placed it somewhere in my room. when the lights were off i kept my eyes open to see if they finally flashed. Most of the time they did, so i caught them again and go to the kitchen window that faced the backyard. There.. i let it free.

There was a time... i would say 10 years or so... when i forgot that some memories ever existed, my head unrightfully deleted those beautiful scenes of gardens full with blooming flowers in bright colors and the sunsets i watched eating green mangoes in the mango tree in front of my grandmother house. When i got home from school, took off my uniform and without even lunching rode my bike as fast as i could in the hills nearby. then i would be scared of returning home because my grandma was waiting for my really pissed and worried that i dissapeared so many hours. As well the long walks i made with Nicolas, my beloved dog. I remember now not walking with it, but hiking after a while. we went deep in the mountain, then sit in a field witha lot of white star shaped flowers and yellow little buds. Of course whati liked the most was the orange and black butterflies that flew in that meadow. Those days i hurried back home before sunset because the forest looked really scary after night. Sometimes when it was too late i ran as fast as i could when i heard night bugs or owls make sounds, but i had my dog with me so that relaxed me a little. Sometimes when i got back home my grandmother was going out to walk, so i just put on a sweater and joined her, i remember i took with me as many botlle caps as possible in those walks, She walked a hill, on one side there were a few houses, so i whent up the hilland placed a bottle cap in the running water on the side of the street. I loved to race the bottle cap in the water as it rushed down, on the bottom of theh ill that water ran into a sewer, there i bid farewell to my racing bottle cap, went up the hill and did it again with a new bottle caps. There where times when i run out of caps so i would use flowers or leaves. there were a lot of grassland and trees, Guayaba trees to be exactly, when it was guayaba season i watched my grandma go up and down th ehill many times in her walk, while i was stuffing myself in the trees eating wild guayabas, as well watching the horses and cows in the grassland.Oh the horses, cows, and goats!! my family never had big animals but the neighbor did.His name was Antonio. Every one called Him Toño Mesen. He was an old man,with white hair and a little bit of beard, he used boots all the time. I remember i sat on the street watching him milk the cows and goats, i was courious because i was like a cat, i loved milk so much that i got sick one day and the doctor told me no more than 2 glasses of milk per day. i was drinking a whole box per day.so i had to quit it. And i stood watching him milk the cows and goats for hours. The wife of Toño, whose name i cat remember was a nice woman, as well always smiling used flower dresses that made her look like a sausage because she was quite the robust woman, yet very gentle. Used short hair kind of the grandma cliche. She sometimes gave me a bucket and told me i could try. of course it was a mess, they laughted at me so much because i never got the chance to aim the milk into the bucket, yet i had fun too. He as well let me ride horses so on weekend i just picked my favorite horse, put a chair on it and went to the hills. That was so many years ago so instaed of cars sometimes you actually saw horses in the street. I loved to pet the cows in the back and the goats between the horns, as well to feed the horses with fresh grass and then touch their damp noses.

All this memories of me.... where gone for so many time. Maybe my head was trying to protect me of being nostalgic, A couple of years ago i saw fireflies again after so many years yet my head was distracted with a ephemeral, fleeting feeling i might have confused with true love.Last year i saw again fireflies in the mountain. I was with my friend isaac and i was drunk in a lost love depression so i remembered the fireflies of the previous year, the lie and everything i had gone through.Tonight i saw fireflies again and all those memories hit my head and overwelmed me. I was in my mothers house with my grandparents and my boyfriend, sudenly i realized the wrinkles in my grandparents face. I felt like i lot 10 years of my life, where was i all those years..... The time it had been, the fact that my grandfather said: Before, times were better, simpler yet beautifuler.My boyfriend had on the cellphone Flames by a band named VAST playing
"Close your eyes,
Let me touch you now.
Let me give you something
That is real"
The nigh was a little chill but i stood watching the fireflies with amazement, sorrow, nostalgic, coldness and even a little bit of sadness. I looked at him and kissed him, i was really sad but is not the kind of sadness that depress you, its the sadness of suddenly realizing and feeling beauty in everything, perfection in a kiss, in a little bug flying, in the night itself. I guess i could say Today was my first Kiss. Im awake, im aware, i felt the beauty of life. I felt a little bit down, knowing even for myself there were no words to use to comunicate this feeling to him. He told me i had talents... in arts, that i could be big... and i thought to myself if i could express correctly what i just discovered today i would create something as beautiful as the stars themselves. But he didnt seem to realizeeither... because he changed the song to " My Tv and you" and a few minutes later went inside because he was freezing. I just played along, as always, this beautiful nostalgic is something i will keep in and to myself alone.

Im no artist to share my art with the world...this is because i dont know what my art is yet...